lost my baby..

miscarriage

on friday 27/3/09 at lunch, i saw the first trickle of blood. told a friend and she said it's gonna be a girl..again! we laught it off. then come asar they was another trickle. i clean it off worried. it was a long day at work with lots of walking. at home come dusk, i went to check to prepare for maghrib. there it was again. too much for trickle and looks like my menses was coming. i cried. we were not sure what to do or where to go.. he went searching for clues on the net and babycentre.com i called my gynae. i have not met her for this pregnancy yet. i explained my situation to her. so she told me that things may not meant to be. she told me to sit this one out and no need to go to the hospital. ok so i stayed home.

come saturday 28/3/09 morning there was no more blood. i called her again and ask to go in. but she was going out for surgery. so i made an appointment for monday morning. we went out for lunch at compasspoint. then head to his mom's place. then i went to check and there was blood. we broke the news to his family. they tried to comfort us. i wept quietly.

Sunday 29/3/09 i went to my mom's place. in late afternoon the bleeding was getting heavier. i changed my pad at the hour twice. at six we left for home. in the car the cramps were getting heavy. i popped panadol as we move off for home. it was like someone sitting on my tummy it was intense. we stop at jalan kayu to get dinner. i waited in the car. i call my manager and colleagues. i am not coming in and broke the news of my miscarriage. should i go hospital i thought... at home as i got out of the car. i felt the gush of blood burst out of my body onto my pants. i walked up my unit, climbing the stairs like a penguin. blood had spread and soaked my pants. the very sight of it got me crying. in the toilet as i open and peep onto my pants. THERE IT WAS. THE LUMP OF ME, EXPELED OUT ON MY PANTIES. all the blood turned my white panties red. the thick blood clots and the lump all pooled on the pad. i cried and sobbed so loud. he came in to check on me. DAH JATUH. DAGING DIA DAH KELUAR..i took a closer look at the lump to see if there was any features. none.. it looked just like liver. it was pink and triangular all soaked in thick red blood. i wrapped everything in a bag. rather clueless what to do next. i changed and climb on the bed to cry some more and rest.

monday 30/3/09 morning i went to visit my gynae. i went up alone. told her of my experience. she gave me a medal of honour for being brave to sit it out. not only does it saves me money ($2k) it is also a natural recovery instead of an invasive surgery to clean up. she scan me and everything looks fine and good. i went back home to rest some more as i was still having nausea and mild cramps. i stayed at home for the whole week!

on tuesday 31/03/09 we buried the lump together with babyLia's uri. Masjid Al-Istiqamah

a very emotional and dramatic experience for me. with God's blessing we believe it is fated for the better of things to come...

C'caine